WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
