the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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