I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
