Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
