Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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