i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
