is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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