Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
