Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
