my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Two words: nipple clamps
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