im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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