Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
