so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
