her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
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I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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