Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
