Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
