you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
