1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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