im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
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then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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