Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
