I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
