Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
