i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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