the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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