If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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