...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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