we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
