she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
