Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
