he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
