I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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