my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
