I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
