it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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