Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
