If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
