I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
