She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
