Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
