hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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