If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
