I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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