Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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