Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
