Im at strip club and am horny
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
