I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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