I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
