I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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