come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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