We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
