i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
