his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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