who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
