they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She told me I should be a condom model.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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