I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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