Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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