Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
