Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
