she smelled like a LAN party
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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