If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
