I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
