whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
