I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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