i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
