Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
