ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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