fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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