Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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