This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
