Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
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