i need an iv and a liver transplant
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She bit a glass in half.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
