You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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