Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
