I think my vagina is haunted
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
