Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
