I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
