So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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