what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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