Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I want to have your abortion
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
