PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
He has the fingertips of a God
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
