1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
