I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
