I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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