if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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