The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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