Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
